Business is simply a blend of math and emotions. As Warren Buffett said, “Until you can manage your emotions, don’t expect to manage money.”
The money part is easy to understand. Emotions are the messy part. We attach meaning and self-worth to money, which halts our success.
I started my career in sales and business development in adtech in 2007 and became a full-time life coach in 2014. Conversations I’ve had about divorce, politics, parenting, and sexuality were less emotionally charged than conversations around money.
As a woman with a high school education who grew up on welfare and is now an entrepreneur with a 7-figure business, I know that managing my emotions is my most underrated success tool. Here’s how I manage six of the most common business frustrations.
1. The sting of rejection
I could weep at the opportunities people around me have lost because they fear hearing “no.” Every human success story is littered with rejections and disappointments (this is why I’m a huge fan of reading autobiographies — they all say the same thing).
Where most people, upon getting rejected, stop or gently try something once again, I keep going. As a former sales director for a Fortune 500 company, I know that success usually comes down to volume. The more exposure, the more meetings, and the more visibility, the more wins.
My bounce-back rate after a rejection has gone from one to two days to one to two minutes. I wish it were as simple as taking a deep breath or repeating a mantra, but it’s pure acceptance around the inevitability of rejection. Not everyone is the perfect fit, or the timing isn’t right. It’s just not that deep.
2. Refunds
Refunds aren’t a personal attack, but refund requests used to drive me into a sensitivity frenzy when I started my business. I wanted to show up at a customer’s house and plead my case. What’s wrong? Don’t you see the value here?
Now, I view refunds as a standard line item on the P&L — with indifference as long as they stay below a 3-5% threshold. I actually congratulate new business owners on refund requests. In any industry, there’s no scaling a business without them.
3. Internet trolls
Like refunds, trolls are a part of every business owner’s story. My hairdresser told me about a Yelp review that made her cry. I told her to snap out of it and get used to it if she wants to have a future working for herself.
There’s no avoiding negative, non-constructive feedback. I’ve had comments that vary from sexist remarks (“Who is she sleeping with to earn that much?”) to statements about my looks (“You look like a man — you need to do something about that”).
My heart used to sink when I read a mean remark, and I’d even look the person up to try to understand them. Now, I rarely even see them, and I certainly don’t go looking.
I know criticism hurts, but when you realize that the worst a mean comment can do is make you sad or scared for a few minutes, it loses all power over you. It becomes something you expect rather than fear. If you’re sincere and ambitious, expect it — a lot.
4. Slow or non-growth years
The worst thing any entrepreneur can do is make fear-based decisions. If you’ve allowed spending creep — most commonly overstaffing and/or lifestyle inflation as income increases — you’re likely to make poor, hasty decisions in the event of a downturn.
My husband left his finance career to work full-time with me in 2017. When scaling our products, we hired a video production team, an SEO consultant, and an admin assistant. Since then, we’ve scaled back and now only work with one full-time operations director and contractors.
We also live in a two-bedroom apartment. These are conscious choices that we’re thrilled with. Impressing other people is not my priority.
Not every year is “up and to the right!” because business has seasons. Whenever we hit a plateau, I know I need to test new marketing strategies, increase visibility, and/or add to my product mix.
A slower season can feel worrisome, but it’s also an invitation to reflect and ask focused questions, like, “What’s working, and how can we do more of that?” and “How can I get people even better results so that my work sells itself?”
5. Staff moving on
Teams sometimes feel like family, but they’re not. All business is simply an exchange of value between parties, which also applies to employment.
The job and industry you work in at 30 isn’t necessarily the right job or industry for you at 35. It’s appropriate and healthy for people to move on when the time is right.
Most successful businesses are constantly evolving. I have what feels like a new company every six months. Some people won’t go in new creative directions with you, and that’s OK.
6. Being “overlooked” for opportunities
I was once fully prepared for a national morning show TV appearance. The day before, the producer said, “We’re turning this into a group ‘Momversation’ with Mother’s Day coming up. Do you have kids?”
I don’t, and I lost my spot. I was so disappointed that I went for a long walk, called three close pals to complain, and sank three glasses of wine. I allowed myself the afternoon to feel sad. Then, it was back to business as usual.
I’ve learned that you can’t ever actually “be overlooked.” You can decide how often you put your hat in the ring for opportunities. I’ve enjoyed being on television many times since because my negative emotions are not running the show — I just keep going for it.
If your volatile feelings steer you, you’ll make questionable decisions and jeopardize what you’ve worked hard to build. When we realize our emotions are most often in the way of sound decision-making and forward strides, we see how in control we actually are.
Susie Moore is a former sales director and startup advisor, a life coach and advice columnist, and the host of the Let It Be Easy podcast.
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