A week has gone by since joining the Div Guild. I’ve met my fellow apprentices and our guides. We’ve had our sessions, and, at times, our laughs! Yet upon retiring to my room, I began to wonder as I reflected on these days’ happenings and instructions… what would this journey demand I embrace, or, perhaps a more difficult challenge, let go of, in order to receive success’s crown?
For months I eagerly awaited to hear of my acceptance or denial. Having poured myself into the application, I wondered if that had been enough, if my skills were up to par. “They are not enough, nor, clearly, are you,” a familiar shadow argued as I sought to work on my own in my workshop, pressing its unwelcome darkness on the frailty of my soul. “All these doors you’ve knocked… and which of them did not find you wanting? Your dedication, your long hours, amount to nothing. Just look at all of your mangled, hideous work!”
This was not my first encounter with the enemy of my soul. How often it had derailed me! It has studied me throughout the years, taken notice of my every failure, kept it all together in its sinister records, weaving a tale of despair and broken dreams from my life for me to swallow, its only ending, the vanishing of all hope.
My breath got shallow, my chest grew heavy, my throat tight. Perhaps I was right to give up. Foolish, it seemed, to even attempt becoming something more than I was…
And yet, hope flashed like lightning in the darkness, and the thunder of purpose cast the shadow back for a time.
It was true. I had, until now, been found lacking. Yet no one could lock me out of the doors to my dreams unless I gave them permission. The one key that was needed was that of willingness, and though I had not found just yet the right amount of pressure and its exact positioning, I would not stop until the miracle happened. Forever forward! There can be no going back.
And eventually, the lock relented. I was accepted into the Guild. I became part of the pack!
Soon, I discovered that I was not alone in both my aspirations and hesitations. We eyed each other carefully as we plunged together into the assignments given to us by our guides. And through those tasks, an openness and shared vulnerability began to appear. Turns out, I was not the only one who had struggled previously with the shadows! We would have to be on guard.
I am now on my desk, writing as I look out my window to the world outside. Had this week provided the technical know-how I had longed for? Not really. In fact, the only tools we have practiced are those of reflection and discussion, to expand our horizons and acquire a clearer awareness of the road we must walk.
“Do not fear the darkness!” I quickly turn around to find the source of this new narrative. Yet there is no one to be found. I close my eyes to pay closer attention, and its words flow into my heart.
“For so many years you have toiled in different fields and endeavors. You brought light into the life of others, you gave hope to those struggling, you sat by the dying, you welcomed new life. And yet, through it all, you could only see your failings and your faults.
“Do not fear the darkness that seeks to consume you, with endless anxieties about your future, accusations about your abilities, and infernal insinuations that all you have done has not mattered, that it would make no difference if you were not around!
“Why do you think it has worked so tirelessly against you? It is because, it fact, you do matter, and it is it that fears your potential, with all the good you could accomplish through your craft, and, more so, your very life.”
I open my eyes and still see no visible person around me. And yet I detect a new vigor rising from deep within me. I may not know the source of this voice, yet I can feel a new certainty arising. There is a future for me and all my new companions! I will not focus on the darkness, only the light.
And the light beckons me! I feel its warmth. It breathes new life!
Three months and six are before me. I can choose to use this time to wallow in fear and anxiety, or to work in hope against hope, assured of good things to come.
I open up a drawer and pull out a tool I had been working on in my previous workshop. A contour has emerged, rough around the edges yet still discernible. And yet, it functions, even if clumsily! If that is the case after working on it on my own for three months, then in three months of working with others it could be a polished mechanic for connecting others and aiding their businesses. In six months’ time, it could even become the talk of the town!
Three months and six are before me. Laying aside fear, I must believe in my own talent and potential, while uplifting others who may be feeling down. The mornings will be my greatest allies — I will have to work before sunrise to set my mind right, lest the darkness overtake me and tear me apart.
Pulling out my notebooks, I begin my planning — 6AM rising and 6:30 meditation, for I will need to strengthen my inner resources to persevere over time. My body, too, will need attention, so that I may enter my workshop with good posture and resilience, a reservoir of energy built up inside. At 7:30 in the morning, it will receive its own challenges. No part of my life must lag behind.
The workshop will await at nine in the morning, every day an opportunity to go beyond yesterday’s limitations. New discoveries and techniques will be at my disposal, if only I show up. Do not worry about what tomorrow will bring. Today’s tasks are enough to rise up to the challenge. And rise, I must!
To become a stable provider for others, to become confident in my purpose, to open up to the greater journey that is life!
And so, I must also make time for mirth with others and the relaxation of my mind. For I cannot achieve this alone, and those around me will, in turn, need a strong yet refreshed helping hand.
Thus, I go onward, ready for another week’s adventure, eager to embrace the unknown and let the light guide me to what lies beyond my personal horizon.
Source link
lol
