When I started college at Yale a year ago, I had one worry: I might not meet my best friends for life the second I got to campus. It’s an unrealistic expectation, but it sticks with you when you grow up hearing stories about how your parents or older siblings met their best friends during freshman orientation.
Thankfully, I found Yale students who laughed at this idea. While some people tried to find their lifelong friends immediately, most of the people I met at college joked about how ridiculous that expectation was.
Whether it’s true or not, however, that pressure weighed heavily on me throughout my freshman year. I just don’t think it’s realistic.
Yale is a very social school, and I’ve found it easy to meet new people. I’ve been lucky to make many good friends, but sometimes, I still worry I haven’t made as many deep friendships as I should have in my first year.
I felt pressure to make immediate, lifelong connections
While I and many people on campus relentlessly satirized and made fun of the concept, it was still omnipresent. It was hard to escape the appearance that other people have found their core group for life.
At Yale, little weekend excursions are common. I often heard that another group of first years went on a trip to New York City together; it rang in my southern ears as a big deal — even though it just takes a free Sunday, $34, and a few hours on the Metro North. Still, it felt like people were connecting in ways I wasn’t.
It’s also hard to ignore the role social media plays in creating the impression that everyone has more and better friendships. As a result, I found it difficult to fully shake the uncomfortable impression that I should’ve been making deeper connections faster.
But on the other hand, I also didn’t want to force the connections in my first year. I told myself that deep friendships cannot be willed into existence. I learned this lesson early on. While I connected with the people I met before we even got to campus, the experience of trying to force those friendships always fell flat.
Good friendships take time to find and grow
I’ve probably met over 100 people I could see as potential lifelong friends. Between the people I’ve made in my residential college, improv group, moot court team, political union, and just wandering around campus, I’ve probably met my best friends already. But I can’t be sure.
We have a long road ahead. A lot could happen, so I don’t want to rush anything. Friendships take time to nurture and grow.
While I felt disappointed with myself because I haven’t made many truly soul-to-soul deep connections with many people, I accept that takes serious time. Even for people I’ve been close with for years, our relationships took a long time to develop. Now should be no different, and I must remind myself of that.
I still haven’t taken that friend group trip to New York yet, and that’s fine. I’ll get to it eventually.
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