When my kids were little, I read an article about a “location-independent” writer, cut it out, and taped it near my desk. It stayed there for years until it literally fell off because the tape dried up.
Since then, I’ve dreamed of someday traveling the world while writing. I thought it would only be a fantasy because my husband wasn’t interested in such a life. But that changed when we decided to get a divorce.
I’m about to take my first step toward making that dream a reality: traveling to Portugal at the end of September because I’ve been accepted as an artist in residence there for two months. But at 57, I worry that I waited too long. And leaving my daughter behind is harder than I could’ve imagined.
My daughter and I moved to the New York City area together
My younger daughter always dreamed about a theater career in New York City and swore that was the only place she’d ever want to pursue her dream. In 2002, I asked if she was interested in moving to New York together so I could help her jump-start her career. I figured it would be the last thing I did before finally becoming a digital nomad abroad.
My daughter said yes, and we worked on moving together to those bright lights of the big city. Once there, my daughter jumped head-first into auditions, applications, and productions. Meanwhile, I dove into planning the rest of my life as a digital nomad. I envisioned my daughter receiving accolades on some red carpet the night before I whisked myself off to parts unknown.
Two years later, her dreams haven’t become a reality, and she’s still looking for her big break. When I realized my daughter still wasn’t where she wanted her to be professionally, I considered staying longer in New York to help her out further. I also considered putting off my traveling dreams even longer.
But I have a sense of urgency to start my travels because I’m 57 with some chronic conditions. I already know I can’t do all the traveling I envisioned myself doing because of my age. Because of my health, I will have to go slow and make careful choices.
I can’t waste any more time waiting for the right time to become a digital nomad.
Despite her lack of success, I am leaving my daughter behind
My daughter supported me in leaving New York. She got an apartment with friends in Brooklyn and has already started building her life without me.
My biggest worry is that she or my older daughter will need me urgently, and I will be out there with no quick way of getting back here.
Maybe my youngest daughter is going to fall, and I won’t be there to pick her up. But I keep reminding myself that she’s not truly alone; she has her friends and her big dreams. Honestly, it’s me who will be alone, and maybe that’s what I’m most afraid of.
During the two years we spent setting up our respective adventures, there were times it was critical for me to be there, and other times, I was anxious to be on my own way. Through it all, I was acutely aware of time slipping through my fingers and a need to capture every minute. Those moments are gone forever, but I hope she’ll see our time together as an important step in her life someday.
We stumbled along, and I’m sure she helped me as much as I helped her. And now we both get to conquer the world — geographically apart, but always together.
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