Country singer Thomas Rhett said he prefers to tour alone to be more present at home.
In an interview with Vanity Fair published Thursday, the “Die a Happy Man” singer said that although his marriage with wife Lauren Akins may seem ideal on social media, they do — like other couples — argue and have issues.
“So in the last couple years, we’ve really tried to get out of that ‘couple goals’ hashtag thing. We are freaking normal human beings,” Rhett, 34, said. “I happen to do a job that a lot of people pay attention to and notice and critique and all the things, but we live a very normal life.”
Rhett and Akins first met as childhood friends in elementary school and married in 2012. Since then, the couple has had four daughters, Willa Gray, Ada James, Lennon Love, and Lillie Carolina, between the ages of 2 and 8.
When Rhett’s career took off, their marriage counselor suggested that Akins, who had graduated with a nursing degree, tour with him for a year, Rhett told Vanity Fair. That affected their relationship and ability to balance parenting with work.
In a video posted in July by the Christian organization I Am Second, Akins opened up about the couple’s struggles on the road.
“I began touring with my husband, and I was running myself ragged and just chasing him all over the place, trying to make it feel like it used to,” Akins said. “I just hit a breaking point. I didn’t like him, and I resented him,” she said.
Akins recalled a time when they had fought on the road. At that time, they had two kids. “I said, ‘I hate you. I hate you. I feel lost and I hate that you put your career, and I hate the pressure that it puts on us, and I hate that we brought two little girls into this.'”
Although Rhett still brings his family on tour during the summer vacation, he often travels alone now.
“Through tons of talking with my wife and being really honest about it, it’s like, ‘Hey, when I go do this thing, I think I just need to go alone so that I can be a million percent doing that, so that when I come home, I feel like I’ve nailed what I needed to do, and now I can really be a present husband and a present father,'” he said.
The benefits of spending time apart
Avigail Lev, a couples therapist from San Francisco, previously told Business Insider that having a life outside your relationship can benefit marriage.
“Couples often start sharing a mind, almost,” Lev said. “When people get too enmeshed and codependent, it actually harms the relationship in many ways. It breaks down passion and excitement and respect.”
Ashley Archambault, a mother and teacher who works with her husband, recently wrote for BI that she tries to spend as much time apart from him as possible, noting that being away helps her not take him for granted.
“Plus, when I’m on my own, I fill my own cup and rejuvenate myself so that I come into our relationship feeling whole rather than looking to my husband to complete me,” she wrote.
Spending time away from home can also help parents refresh.
Wendy Altschuler, a writer and mother of three, left her three kids at home with her husband to celebrate her birthday on a Swiss mountain alone. She didn’t feel guilty or that she had to justify her choices.
“A physical reset helped me to return home invigorated and appreciative,” she wrote.
A representative for Rhett didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment from BI sent outside regular business hours.
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