This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Angelica Miller, a 31-year-old recruiter from Arizona who was recently laid off. It’s been edited for length and clarity.
My last boss and I were friends. We gossipped about work, life, relationships, and everything in between. I never expected her to lay me off.
Though I don’t regret our friendship, I’m keeping the relationships at my new job strictly professional. I’ve learned that work is about making a paycheck, not friends.
We became friends instantly
Before she became my boss, she was my peer. We both were working for the same equipment rental company as recruiters.
We met in person during a work training session in California and hit it off instantly. Our conversations quickly transitioned from workplace gossip and grievances to extremely personal matters. I confided in her about my relationship woes and single mother problems and she leaned on me when her mother passed.
Other than the occasional dinner and drinks after recruiting events, our friendship stayed strictly within business hours. We had what I believed to be a trusting relationship with proper boundaries.
About a year into my time at the company, a few more recruiters were added to the team and she was promoted to recruiting manager. Though she was now technically my boss, our relationship dynamic stayed the same.
In fact, I benefited from having a trusting relationship with my boss. She took my concerns and suggestions seriously and understood if I needed to leave unexpectedly to care for my son. I felt like we had a mutually beneficial relationship.
She broke our agreement
After working together for two years, our company enacted a hiring freeze and started micromanaging us.
We both disliked the direction it was going, and we made an agreement: I’d let her know if I began looking for another position, and she’d let me know if anything happened that meant I should be on the lookout for another position.
I guess the agreement didn’t mean much to her, because she gave me no warning signs before my layoff.
She dropped a random meeting into my calendar and messaged me saying we needed to chat. I didn’t think twice about it. But when I hopped on the call, her words were unemotional and straight to the point. She laid me off and promptly ended the call. I held it together on the phone, but I was shocked and hurt.
She ghosted me after the layoff
I waited for a follow-up message from her that could explain what just happened. I received nothing. She knew of my financial struggles as a single mother; I couldn’t believe she didn’t have the decency to give me a warning, offer to be used as a reference, or even just send me her condolences.
I’ve spent so much time wondering why she laid me off so coldly, but I’ve had to let it go because no matter how personal it feels, it’s just business. I know she’s a good person at her core. I don’t blame her, but I’ll never forget that feeling of betrayal.
I’m keeping my new employers at arm’s length
I started a new recruiting job last week and I’m holding my cards close to my chest. My coworkers and boss have been nothing but kind to me, but I can’t help but feel skeptical of their authenticity. I’m making an effort to maintain professional boundaries and only share information that’s pertinent to business.
I don’t have any regrets about being friends with my boss, but I definitely won’t do it again.
Editor’s note: The rental company where Miller worked, which was verified by Business Insider, declined to comment on her experience.
If you have complicated workplace relationships and would like to tell your story, please email Tess Martinelli at tmartinelli@businessinsider.com
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