As a gay Black man living in a conservative small town, wrestling and drag helped me find the courage to be myself

I grew up the youngest of two older brothers. Wrestling has always been around in my life, ever since I was a baby. I remember having the action figures, the video games, and everything — I was just obsessed.

I kind of lost interest a little bit growing up, and then I got back into it when I was 18 or so. My mom passed away when I was 23 and I was just kind of depressed, sad, and I was flipping through the channels and saw that “Monday Night RAW” was on. I was with some friends watching it and something just clicked in my head: “Why aren’t I doing this?”

Growing up in Murfreesboro, being this out, proud gay Black man was kind of just frowned upon. To protect myself from getting insulted or attacked, I kind of just covered it up. And Princey was just kind of this quiet individual who never really went around too much, and just did my own little thing.

When I first started out in wrestling, I was so quiet and timid. And they were like, “You can’t do that here. You’re supposed to be yourself times a hundred.” And so I was like, “Okay. I just got to shake off everything that I held in.”

I finally found my wrestling identity as ‘Totally Plastic’ Pha’Nesse

I came across the Crux Wrestling training center with my coach Brian Maxwell and Kerry Awful, and came to a class in Maxwell’s backyard. I was just rolling around and doing stuff and they were like, “You’re a natural.” And I was like, “I am? What?”

I just kept coming back and learning things every weekend. That was the main thing taking my mind off everything going on in the past with my mom. I had this safe place where I could just be myself.

I went to a show at the TWE arena and met everybody, and just felt an instant connection. I was looking at their social media, and the first thing — which is so rare in the South — was them being on the mic saying that TWE does not condone homophobia or racism. I was like, “I have to be here. I’ll work my butt off to be here.”

When I was growing up and wrestling, I was so captivated by the women wrestlers. I just felt like they were amazing, and they could tell these amazing stories in probably less than five minutes. I just saw so much pageantry there, and so much charisma, and I was like, “This is kind of drag.”

I thought my wrestling name was going to be “Princey,” but my coaches were like, “Nah, not really.” Then, my name was going to be “The Pha’Nesse,” and I was like, “I like Pha’Nesse, I don’t want to get rid of that. I’ll drop the ‘the.'”

“Totally Plastic” was supposed to be this mean, bitchy gimmick. My coaches thought I was going to be a bad guy. But my first match I had in Alabama, the moment I hit the stage, the crowd was just like “Woooo!” And so I was like, “I can’t be a bad guy. I love the crowd too much. This is awesome.”

So Totally Plastic stayed, but it’s more just this really flamboyant character that just loves everybody.

I found new confidence through drag and sharing my story on HBO’s ‘We’re Here’

I was so nervous to do “We’re Here.”

I didn’t know what the show was at first. The casting director was just like, “This is just a docuseries that’s documenting people from different walks of life.” I had no idea it would be on HBO, or this type of platform!

When I found out that this was a popular show, I was like, “Should I do this?” I didn’t tell most of my family. I think I told my aunt, and I told my friends, and they were like, “Do it. I feel like you’re one of the people who do have a story to tell about just everything you’ve been through in life. Maybe you can inspire somebody who sees you, who grew up in your situation.”

I felt like I wanted to do that, because it brought me back to watching the divas and wrestling. They inspired me growing up, so I wanted to be that person for somebody.

I learned the choreography for the performance in three days, and when I saw my outfit and my wig, I was like, “This is going to be awesome. I am in the House of Priyanka, I can’t look bad.” She’s an awesome dancer, and so I was like, “Okay, I got to really get into the gig.”

And so I treated it kind of just like a wrestling match: I know my spots, I know what I’m supposed to here. Priyanka was a huge help. It was kind of like having a wrestling coach, but it was just my drag mom.

Now, I feel like Princey is Pha’Nesse.

I’m able to speak up about situations I don’t like, and I feel like that’s Pha’Nesse, that’s just me coming into my true form. I’m so glad I did it, because I feel like I never would have gained this sort of confidence — being around these awesome people who were like, “You’re this awesome person.”

To be honest, I never really believed I was this special person. But if you’re the only one doubting yourself, and all these people say you’re wrong, maybe you need to look in the mirror.