This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Elena Brandt, cofounder of Besample. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I never dreamed of a large family. I thought I would have maybe two kids. But my husband Mikhail and I realized we adore having children. We have four — ages 8, 5, 3, and 6 months — and might still try for a fifth.
My career hasn’t been held back despite being in the trenches of motherhood. I’m pursuing my doctorate degree in psychology at the University of Florida, and I’m the cofounder of Besample, a behavioral research startup that helps researchers gather data from outside the US.
I’m extremely passionate about the company because it solves a long-standing problem: most scientific research is based on information from students in the US, while the other 95% of the global population is ignored. That leads to some serious flaws in research, which my co-founders and I hope to address.
I brought my baby to an accelerator when he was 3 weeks old
With personal and professional support, I’ve kept my career on track even while growing our family. When I was eight months pregnant, I discovered that Besample was accepted to Techstars, a three-month, in-person accelerator. My husband said he could care for the three older kids while I took the baby.
So, I showed up with my son Darwin when he was just three weeks old. Techstars was nothing but supportive. They asked if I needed space to nurse Darwin or put him down for a nap. During the demo night, which comes at the end of the accelerator, they celebrated Darwin as the youngest Techstars resident ever.
It was through Techstars that I got tickets to Y Combinator‘s Female Founders Conference. Y Combinator is a big deal in the startup world, and I was eager to be inspired by other female founders. I posted that I thought it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and wondered in the same post whether Darwin would make any baby friends. I expected babies would not only be welcomed but celebrated.
That wasn’t the case for me.
I was asked to leave during a talk about growing a company while having an infant
Right away, I noticed no other babies. Then, I listened to Tracy Young, a mom and founder, talk about her mothering experience while starting a business. She discussed pumping before investment meetings and the other very physical, biological challenges of being a founder with an infant.
Darwin was in a stroller, and I was rocking him back and forth to sleep. When he started babbling and cooing, I moved to the back of the room. That’s when someone approached me and said, “Would you like to stroll your baby outside? I want people to get the full experience out of this conference.”
I later learned she was one of the partners of Y Combinator.
There’s a tension in business about whether there’s room for families
I’m not naming this woman because I think the problem is bigger than me or her. It’s about this tension in the business world right now. To many people, including me, the pandemic showed that it was possible to be a hands-on mom and a hands-on business partner. Others want to maintain the status quo of business and babies as entirely separate.
To me, that’s ridiculous. To ask me to leave with a quietly cooing baby during a talk that was explicitly about the challenges of being a mother and founder was shocking. I realized then that the monster of systemic barriers to entrepreneurs who are also moms is bigger than I ever realized.
I would love to see meaningful changes for founders who are moms
I received a private apology email from the woman who confronted me, but I haven’t heard anything from Y Combinator. To me, this shows how exclusive the incubator is. They make token gestures, like having a Female Founders Conference, but don’t follow through with meaningful support to moms.
I’m not asking for much. Just don’t ask me to leave. Trust that I would step out if my child were actually disturbing anyone.
If you really want to make a difference for parents, offer on-site childcare. Change the narrative that tells us that kids are a distraction. Instead, let’s see them for what they are: the next generation who will care for us when we’re older.
Imagine future innovators playing together at the Y Combinator day care. That would be the sort of meaningful change that would make a real difference for female entrepreneurs.
Editor’s note: Y Combinator didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment from BI.
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