This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Kalvinder Osahan, 43. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I count down the days until my husband, Bharminder — whom I call Bobby — gets home from work every month after a two-week stint abroad.
We live in the southeast of England, and since he’s based in Germany, there’s about 400 miles and the English Channel between us.
I’m a stay-at-home mom, and Bobby, 44, runs an aviation consultancy that provides maintenance for helicopters and planes. He also trains people in the industry.
We started dating in 2001 after meeting in an ice cream parlor in London. We left the ice cream shop, saw a movie, and went for a long walk together. There was an instant attraction. Bobby told me that he loved me before we even exchanged numbers.
I tried not to worry too much when my husband was in the army
He was in the army, in the royal electrical and mechanical engineers. Luckily for us, he was stationed in the UK for most of the time. But he served in the Middle East and did two four-month-long tours.
I would write to or email him every day. He would reply whenever he could, but the communications were patchy. He’d have to line up behind the other guys to use the phone.
We married in July 2006 while I worked as a high school teacher. I threw myself into the job, trying not to worry too much about his whereabouts when he was away.
Courtesy of Kalvinder Osahan
Our daughter, Ria, was born in 2012 — the same year Bobby left the army after 13 years. I launched my own wedding stationery business before having our son, Guraj, three years later in 2015.
Meanwhile, Bobby worked for various airlines. Then, in 2019, he struck out on his own, establishing a company with five employees. Since then, he’s worked for two weeks in Germany before coming home for the rest of the month, and he’s mostly free to do what he wants during that time.
My husband is the provider, and I look after our household and kids
There have been moments when I’ve told him, “Why can’t we just live a normal life?” But what is normal? “Some workers leave very early and work very late and still don’t see their kids,” Bobby said. He wants to be the provider while I focus on the house and the children. We know we’re fortunate to have this option because Bobby earns upward of $250,000 annually.
He runs at 110% when he’s working, and then when he’s home, he’s just so relaxed. We have a full family life, going for bike rides and short vacations. We’ll sometimes accompany him abroad. Last Christmas, we stayed in Bremen for a week.
I get lonely sometimes during the 2 weeks Bobby is away
Still, there are some cons. Bobby often misses the kids’ parents’ evenings and other events, such as school plays — but they are resilient. They know that Dad is working hard so we can maintain our lifestyle.
I sometimes get lonely, especially at night when the children are in bed. But thank God for FaceTime. It’s the best way to keep in touch. We’ll also send each other flirty messages anticipating his return to the UK.
I always get butterflies when I pick Bobby up at the airport. Our marriage is strong, and we’re still very much in love. Others might find our circumstances strange, but it works perfectly for us.
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