This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Bobby Kittleberger, a 37-year-old father and business owner in Staunton, Virginia. Business Insider has verified his income with documentation. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
I have six children between the ages of 5 and 11, and I’ve told them I won’t pay for college except in very limited circumstances.
I graduated with a computer science degree, but it’s irrelevant to my work.
I’m actively encouraging my kids to consider other options and how much ROI they’ll get from college.
For me to pay for their tuition, they’d need to pursue a career that actually requires higher education
I’ll pay for their tuition if they want to be something like a doctor or a lawyer. I’ll decide on a case-by-case basis. One of my daughters has expressed interest in being a veterinarian, which I’d want to support financially and otherwise.
If I paid for tuition, it would be a gift without strings attached. I’ve actively discussed this with my four older kids in the past year, and they’ve responded positively.
One of the most interesting responses I’ve gotten from my kids is asking how they can make money now. They’re also more interested in my work and curious about what career paths require a degree.
My decision isn’t based on how much money we make
Our household income — which includes the income from my business, my wife’s income from her job in education, as well as investments and other sources — totals in the six figures, which is good money for where we live in middle Virginia.
My reasoning also doesn’t involve trying to make them more financially responsible. Not paying for college might force them to be more financially responsible, but only if they choose — or try — to pay for college themselves.
I want them to learn to be financially responsible and viable by earning money, with or without college.
My reasoning for considering other options is primarily ROI
If the goal of college is to set you up to earn a living and be financially stable, it’s not guaranteed to accomplish that goal. You might want to go to college for the experience, but I don’t see much value in that.
I think it’s important for children to move away from their parents, but the college environment’s ability to teach this is overrated. Only interacting with your peers and having a pared-down schedule with large chunks of free time and meals constantly provided, without everyday bills like utilities and insurance, doesn’t provide a realistic picture of what life in the real world is like.
I will encourage my kids to pursue an independent living situation when they’re able, college or otherwise.
Colleges and universities no longer have a monopoly on information
Nearly all the information we could ever need is now free and accessible online, and the pool of careers that require a degree is shrinking. Some millionaires may teach business classes at a university, but they also share information online for free or at the cost of a subscription.
If my kids wanted to become software developers, I’d sit them down in front of YouTube and ChatGPT and have them just start learning.
My wife’s dad got a degree in music and went on to be a very successful salesman. I had another friend who got a communications degree and started a construction business. My degree is in math and computer programming, neither of which I’m good at. My career path has focused on web design, SEO, copywriting, IT, market trading, and finance.
I’ve learned everything that supports my family financially outside any formal classroom. Writing is the one exception, but I learned that in high school.
My wife is more bullish on college, but we’re mostly aligned
My wife generally has a more positive view of higher education than I do and is more concerned about the life skills aspect than I am. We’ve had many discussions about this.
She has a degree in public health administration and intended to go to nursing school, but once we got married, we started our family instead. She now works as a full-time teacher’s aide at our kids’ school.
My wife learns better in a more formal learning environment. I’m the opposite and learn better working on my own. We’ll also consider how our kids learn and what kind of environment makes it easy for them to absorb information to decide whether we think they should pursue a college degree.
I never see someone driving around in a super nice car and associate that with attending a university or having a degree
I just want my kids to understand that college doesn’t necessarily equal wealth, especially if you have to go into a ton of debt.
They should think critically and analyze the decision, not just blindly think, “Well, I’m out of high school. I guess it’s time to go to college.”
The choice to go is up to them — our decision as parents will be how much financial assistance we provide. It’ll always be my goal to support and encourage them.
Want to share your story? Email Lauryn Haas at lhaas@businessinsider.com.
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